Reflection, Resilience, and my Future in Fitness

It’s been a hot second since I blogged! But as we are all getting ready to welcome 2019, I knew it was time to get typing again. I love this time of year. It’s good to reflect and to think ahead to the new year to see what I want to get out of it!

In keeping it real, 2018 was the first year in a long time that I would describe as challenging and even dark — both in fitness and personally. It had some of the highest highs and lowest lows. I went from my strongest race ever in the spring, to a very tough fall both in running and personally.

One night I laid there in bed sobbing because I was so depressed (due to the struggles we were facing as parents). It was a very dark moment…I wont get into it too deep, but to just scrape the surface of that time — I felt like I was failing as a mother. I felt worthless because my daughters anxiety had gotten so out of control (and thus her behavior had spiraled downward), and I was blaming myself for it. I also had just started back running again after being injured and I was scared of the re-injury possibilities. It was a tough time, but I’m proud of my resilience. I’m so thrilled to say I feel like we have our happy kiddo back, and I’m no longer blaming myself for our struggles this year. I’m definitely in a much better place today. I feel like we are ending 2018 on a much higher note, like the way 2018 started. I’m feeling so optimistic about 2019, and really feeling good about where I’m leaving 2018.

I will be posting about how I did on my 2018 goals soon (at the start of the new year), so stay tuned. My 2019 goals are currently posted, but thought I’d take the opportunity to talk a bit about what I’m thinking my future in fitness looks like.

In 2019, my main goal is to work towards the sub-2 half marathon time goal I’ve been wanting and working towards over the years. This is something I want so badly, and am so hopeful it will happen at some point in the year (either at a race I’m currently registered for, or another — I’m keeping October open for possibilities. I’m very aware of how much more work I have left to do, and know it may be another year before I get there! But in the same breath I’m super anxious to switch gears and really dive head first into bodybuilding. This feels weird to type. But, people change and evolve. Goals change. I struggled with this shift of focus while I was on injury break because my Instagram feed was all lifting and my name says runner in it. It didn’t feel right, and all my gym pics I had on a separate page were getting a bit monotonous 😝! It’s tough to want both things right now because these two goals don’t co-exist very well. I fell head over heels for the weight room this year. I had lifted before, but I got really into it while I couldn’t run during my injury. I love feeling strong, feeling in control of my body, and knowing I’m in the drivers seat here. I mean, how cool is it that we can change our body by lifting heavy things?! 😆 I just recently bought an amazing bulking and nutrition guide and I totally want to jump in now. I’m so excited to start this new journey to put on some serious muscle, but that journey isn’t starting until I’m feeling fulfilled in my running goals. So until then, I’m just trying to maintain.

I’ve been consistently lifting 3-4x a week this year. But I wasn’t eating in surplus most of the time, which is necessary to put on muscle mass.

While I feel immensely stronger than where I was last year, I know I have a long way to go and a lot more progress will be made once I drop the longer runs and start eating higher/more appropriate macros for muscle building. A bit of “fluff” comes with the territory, but I’m fully prepared to embrace it knowing where I’ll be after the final cycle is done. I’m not entirely sure what will happen with my running Instagram account and blog…I’ll still be running, but tons less. So we will see what I decide to do when that time comes.

Anyway, considering I just ate my normal diet this year and wasn’t following a specific muscle building diet, I’m happy with the little bit of definition I gained this year.

I’m ready to really work on strengthening my legs, glutes, back, and core to feel strong as a whole. So, that’s what my plan is after that sub-2 happens….which could take a while🤷‍♀️. But, you know I love to plan! 😜

Anyone else really get into lifting this year? Do you make up your own workouts? Or follow a prescribed plan?

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